Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
