I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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