ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
