I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
