Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
