i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
