Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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