Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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