nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
