Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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