We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
