Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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