I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
