you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
