as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
