no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
