Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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