just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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