Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
