Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
