her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
