On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
