i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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