I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
