My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
