I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So here I am, sexting at work.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
