I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
