oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
