I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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