He asked to "fluff my boner.."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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