for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize