i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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