Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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