My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
