When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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