hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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