I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
