I'm lost and stupid without you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
