if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
