From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
