Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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