Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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