R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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