not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
