I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
