Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
