he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Congratulations! We have a period
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