Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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