Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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