Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
