You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
