i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize