I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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