yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i need some magic done to my vagina
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize