I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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