um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
