every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
