apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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