we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
