the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
whose parrot is this?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
